


hold on and don't hold back

by byunderella



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Eventual Romance, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining, like a sprinkle, slight angst, well more like the very beginnings of an fwb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 13:40:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16347764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byunderella/pseuds/byunderella
Summary: To Jihoon, Woojin has always been the answer. Time and time again it's been him, always him. But there's always a worry that holds him back, that keeps him from taking that leap of faith.How can you love and be certain you won't let go?





	hold on and don't hold back

**Author's Note:**

> this could have been a lot longer, but with exams every week this is all i could churn out. i hope you enjoy it anyways! 
> 
>  
> 
> _**for 2park week day 1:** yearning_

 

 

If there’s one thing that Jihoon is sure of on (what was supposed to be) this lazy, peaceful Wednesday afternoon, it’s that Park Woojin is absolutely, positively dead to him.

“What up, buttercup.” For starters, he has no desire to be mannerly and well-behaved in a public setting, where anyone at any time could hear him call him these ridiculously disgusting pet names, a different one for each day he shows up. “I’ve been coming here so often I think it’s starting to become a part of my daily _grind_.” He says with a goofy, lopsided grin that irks him to no end. Which brings him to the second reason, being that Woojin could go for a skinny dip in the waters around Antarctica and it _still_ wouldn’t be as painfully cold as his jokes.  “Anyways, I’ll have a caramel macchiato, large, skim, extra shot, extra-hot, extra-whip, extra caramel, sugar-free.”

And finally, but most obnoxiously, he’s _extra_ high maintenance.

Jihoon sighs at the sheer absurdity (how the fuck is it even remotely possible to make that drink sugar-free?), resting his chin atop of his palm and leaning onto the counter, glaring down the raven-haired boy blinking innocently at him. He clicks his tongue twice, pushing himself back up and grabbing a large cup and writing ‘ _Obnoxious Jerk’_ on the side of it. “How about I give you a large water, pour it all over your head and maybe you’ll think twice about showing up here?”

Jihoon waves the cup with Woojin’s second name on it in his face with a caustic smile, and oppositely the customer pouts, placing his hands onto the counter and furrowing his brows. “This isn’t how you should be treating your regulars now, is it?”

“I already have to deal with you being a regular in my life, if you show up at this register one more time I might just blend my own head instead of your drink.” Jihoon bites, though he still proceeds to make Woojin’s drink exactly how he asked of it (or, as close as he can get), wondering if he could get fired for slipping a laxative into his cup (not that he’d even have any on hand, but God, does he wish he did.)

As he’s pouring milk into the cup, he hears the chiming of the front door and doesn’t even have to look up to recognize the voices that come along with it. _So much for a lazy shift._

Daniel and the rest of the crew file into the café, shoving themselves into their usual corner table and waving frantically at Jihoon and Woojin. At that moment, Donghan comes out from the back room and smacks him in the arm. “Geez, Donghan what if I was still holding a milk carton in my hands?” Jihoon grumbles as he rubs the spot on his arm that Donghan hit.

“Do you always have to allure your rowdy friend group into this café?” Donghan sighs, “Not like I can complain because they give us service and no one has complained yet so unfortunately I can’t kick them out, but they always distract you."

“Actually I think the only real problem here is this guy.” Jihoon points to Woojin, who only straightens up and gives Donghan a friendly wave. Jihoon rolls his eyes, angrily swirling whipped cream on the top of Woojin’s drink before sliding it towards him with a forced smile, “Here you go, sir. Please refrain from coming again.”

“Don't count on it, cupcake.” Woojin winks before heading towards their friends.

Jihoon grabs a wet cloth and makes his way towards his friends’ table, wiping it down and threatening to smack an annoying Jaehwan with it. “Hey, here’s a great idea. How about you guys _order_ something?”

“You already know our usuals, do you even have to ask?”

“You have to pay for them, Seongwoo.” Jihoon responds, flicking Woojin in the forehead before walking back to the counter. He gets started on the drinks while grumbling, “ _One_ day. Can’t I have _one_ peaceful work day?”

 

 

Apparently that isn’t the case. Because come Thursday afternoon his friends are in the same damn corner, laughing gaudily while Woojin, as always, continues to linger at the front counter, seated on one of the high chairs with his Non-Fat Mocha Frappuccino with extra whipped cream and chocolate sauce, or as Jihoon likes to call it, the equivalent of ordering a diet coke with a super-sized fast food meal.

“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing Park Woojin. You sit there every day just waiting for me to fuck up because of you so you can have front row seats if I get pathetically fired. Well not today, Satan.” Jihoon points a finger at the younger, “You’re not gonna have the satisfaction of getting me fired. I won’t allow it.”

Amused, Woojin props himself by the elbow and rests his face in his palm. “For why?”

“What?”

“For why would I be the reason?”

“Because you’re distracting.” Jihoon deadpans, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world because it _is_.

But Woojin just laughs his stupid laugh, “I didn’t know my looks affected you this much.”

Jihoon scoffs instinctively, like he always does when Woojin’s ego prevails, “You’re an idiot. Please leave before I throw a cup of hot coffee in your face and then another down your pants.”

Woojin’s smirk is anything _but_ polite customer-employee etiquette. “Aw, if you wanted to get in my pants you could have just said so.”

Jihoon slams his hand onto the counter, startling a woman at the table just a few feet away from them. “Donghan, fire me. Fire me right now. I’m going to start a fight.”

Before Jihoon can lunge forward and wrap his hands around Woojin’s neck, Donghan holds him back. Woojin just continues to laugh as he gets up from his seat and walks away. “What the hell? I could have brained him with a blender and all of our problems would be solved.”

“As much as I’d love to see you not get riled up over Woojin again, you are not committing a _murder_ in this café.” Donghan says firmly, “Why do you hate him so much anyways? He’s your best friend.”

Jihoon lifts a brow. How is it possible that he’s the only one in the shop with a brain? “Um, yeah but have you heard his orders? You can’t tell me his entitlement doesn’t annoy you.”

“It’s not our place to judge orders, it’s our job to make them, no matter how annoying they are." 

Jihoon groans, “Well, can’t he at least be consistent? Some drinks don’t even make sense and others probably don’t even taste good. His taste buds have to be broken.”

“Honey, I don’t think he cares about the coffee.” Donghan says in a way that Jihoon thinks he’s supposed to understand but he doesn’t.

“What are you talking about?”

Donghan waves a dismissive hand, “Nevermind. I like watching people have their long-awaited epiphanies so I’m just gonna sit here in the back and watch it all unfold like a really bad drama.”

“Or, how about you fucking help me work?” Jihoon shoots back annoyed, putting on his work smile when a customer walks through the door and finally orders something normal.

 

 

* * *

 

  

When Jihoon gets off work that night he doesn’t expect to find Woojin seated on his couch, almost giving him a heart attack if he hadn’t noticed the familiar outfit he’d seen earlier that day. “ _God_ , you scared me. How did you get into my apartment?” Jihoon hangs his key and places his phone on the kitchen counter, pouring himself a glass of water, possibly to simmer down the automatic angry heat that came with seeing Woojin.

Woojin doesn’t even glance at him, just keeps his eyes trained on the television. “You gave me an extra key.”

Jihoon furrows his brows, confused. “No I didn’t—wait, did you _steal_ my spare key?”

The boy shrugs, “It’s not technically stealing if you keep it in plain sight.”

Jihoon can feel his blood boiling by the second and downs another glass of water, wiping his mouth angrily, “First of all, that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard because one, this is _my_ house and it was hanging on _my_ key rack. And second, you are _actually_ the spawn of the devil."

Woojin dismisses his scolding, waving him towards the couch, “Just come here already, you’re missing the episode.”

Jihoon rolls his eyes and heads towards the bathroom, washing his hands before conceding begrudgingly and plopping himself onto the couch, snuggling up to Woojin while the taller drapes the rest of his blanket onto Jihoon. “ _What_ are you watching.” He says more than he asks, bored to death a mere two seconds after sitting down.

“Planet Earth.”

Jihoon sits up immediately, grabbing at the remote.

“Hey, _hey_!” Woojin steals the remote back possessively, holding it against his chest, “We are going to learn about penguins and there will be no arguments.”

“This is my house and we are _not_ watching Planet Earth, my dude.”

Jihoon gets up from the couch and rummages through his DVD’s in the cabinet. “I was actually in the middle of my _Charmed_ marathon so you’re watching this with me instead." 

Woojin snorts, “Are you kidding me? You wanna watch some lame fantasy series from the 90s?”

“For your information this series practically had a cult following, not that _you’d_ know anything about dedication considering your coffee orders, and it’s strangely addicting so this is what we’re gonna watch.” Jihoon tells him calmly, placing the season two disk into his DVD player and making his way back onto the couch.

“Whatever you say, Dolly.” Jihoon whips his head in Woojin’s direction and gives him a cold once over. He doesn’t even need to talk to convey the desperate ‘ _Stop_ ’ running through his mind.

“So have you finished your cover letter yet?”

The brunette groans at the mention of the job he was trying to apply for, pouting heavily, “No. Resumes are just me hating myself for sounding so lame." 

“Yeah, I don’t think sloppiness is one of their requirements.” Woojin yells loudly when Jihoon throws a pillow in his face. The taller chuckles at Jihoon’s pouting, “I’m kidding, dude. You have everything that company wants, they can’t turn you away.”

When he thinks about it, the situation feels a little foreign to him. Even though Jihoon had known Woojin since the fourth grade, he had moved to Japan from after graduation to third year university, leaving them with three years of catching up to do. Back then they were practically attached at the hip. But ever since Woojin returned, the air around them had been fairly awkward, like they had only met each other for the first time this year. And though things have gotten better over the past few months, Jihoon could admit (but never out loud) to missing just having Woojin’s presence beside him, to be able to sit in silence without having to say anything and it would still be comfortable because they were them and that was the only explanation they needed.

It’s not like Woojin hadn’t always been this annoying from the beginning, he definitely was just as insufferable back then and he was now. But there’s also something different about him; Jihoon doesn’t want to say it’s a newfound maturity because with the way he’s been acting at The Hideout café as of recent he’d be lying through his teeth, Maybe it has to do with time and experience, being as they are much older and much wiser than they were in the eighth grade. Woojin could crack all of the lame jokes he wants but Jihoon knows that his strengths will always overshadow his weaknesses (it’s not like Woojin had much weaknesses anyways, if he were to ignore his severe need to rile Jihoon up each second of every day.)

Jihoon attempts to move away from the topic of school, directing Woojin’s attention back towards the screen. Before he settles back into the couch, he reaches for his lip balm resting on the counter and applies it to his chapped lips, smacking his lips thrice.

“What ridiculous flavor is your new lip balm this time?” Woojin questions, entertained, “Let me guess, grilled cheese and tomato soup?”

“Strawberry frosting.” Jihoon corrects him as he dips into the couch, “And for your information it tastes great.”

He hands Woojin the chapstick for him to try, but Woojin has always been one to deliver surprises and deliver he does. Before Jihoon can even grasp the situation, Woojin is leaning in and presses his lips onto his own. It’s not long by any means, but long enough for Jihoon to register the soft sucking on his bottom lip. And then Woojin is pulling away as quickly as he leaned in and licking his lips, expression contemplative. “Hey, that’s actually pretty good.”

What…

the _fuck_.

Jihoon feels the air go still, losing his breath in the moment he forgets he needs it. He's still blinking in confusion at the whole ordeal, but Woojin’s eyes are already back on the screen like nothing had even happened and the voices from the TV filter back into Jihoon’s conscious hearing. Figuring that it works against him to be so troubled for so long, he snaps out of his trance and forces himself to relax one muscle at a time, sneering and pulling the blanket off of Woojin and onto himself. “You’re a nut job.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

It happens once, twice, and then so often that Jihoon can’t even keep track of it.

The next time it happens after the first, it’s when Jihoon receives the e-mail congratulating him on landing the job and he’s so happy that he could kiss someone. 

The only problem is that he _does_ , and that person happens to be the person who’s with him when he gets the news, the same person that picks him up and spins him around in a hug. He doesn’t plan to, it only registers after his lips leave Woojin’s, caught up in a moment of overwhelming joy.

But Woojin doesn’t say anything about it, just says, “Let’s go eat and celebrate!”

(He’s kind of grateful he doesn’t.) 

The third time is less of an accident and more of a conscious decision on both ends. It’s a lazy day, the ones where they’re sprawled across different areas of Jihoon’s bedroom, doing nothing in particular. Woojin is seated on Jihoon’s desk chair, head titled back and staring up at the ceiling, singing quietly to some song that Jihoon doesn’t recognize. Jihoon is on the floor just a foot away from him, with the odd and growing urge to make himself comfortable in Woojin’s lap.

Somehow, it’s almost as if Woojin can hear his thoughts, because in the next second his head is falling back down to look at him, with a look that’s part curious and part dangerous, if Jihoon is reading it properly. “I’m bored.”

“I know you are.” Jihoon says, pushing himself up from his position on his stomach into a cross-legged one. Woojin gives him a look, something of a ‘ _well?_ ’ being relayed to him.

“Aren’t you bored too?" 

Jihoon hums, “I thought my constant sighing made that obvious.”

“Come here then.” Woojin says, tentatively, dangerously. “Let’s relieve our boredom.”

“By doing what exactly?” The stutter in his heart doesn’t make it to his words, and for that he’s thankful. Unconsciously, he’s standing up from his spot on the floor, making his way towards Woojin.

“I don’t know, experimentation.” Woojin’s eyes grow darker when he stops in front of him, looking up at him in a way that makes all of the blood rush to his head, rendering him lightheaded and a little breathless.

In the midst of all of the nervousness and confusion he finds himself perched on Woojin’s thighs, lips on his, hands tangled in his dark hair, making sounds he never thought he’d be making in front of the younger. And just like that a routine had formed, a silent understanding that this thing between them was okay, would continue, without ever having to be talked about.

At first it had only been in private, while they were in Woojin’s dorm room or Jihoon’s apartment, no chance of anyone ever finding out what they were doing. And then Woojin had started pulling him to the side during boring parties or outings to make out in some secluded corner. Eventually they’d started giving each other quick goodbye kisses after dropping each other off to class, throwing the word _babe_ around casually while conversing, doing everything that a labelled couple would do.

Except they aren’t, and Jihoon _knows_ this, so much that it pains him every night before he goes to sleep. He knows he’s scared, but he hasn’t figured the _of_ _what_ yet. Maybe it’s commitment, maybe it’s rejection. Or maybe it’s the crippling fear of losing everything that meant anything to him, and that's exactly what Woojin is. 

His friends somehow catch onto this, despite how hard he’s worked to hide it from them. He knows they can tell that he’s off, always in his thoughts and never truly present. He just didn’t think any of them would actually speak up about it, not in a way that implies they know exactly what he’s been afraid of this whole time.

“You know, one of these days you’re gonna have to talk to us about your Woojin problem.” Jinyoung tells him, the shock on his own face seemingly more annoying than funny to the younger at this point.

“I don’t have a Woojin problem.” He denies immediately, ignoring the fact that he’s feeling every kind of exposed right now.

“Uh, yeah you do, _babe_.” Daehwi chimes in, with a knowing look on his face that cracks Jihoon just a little. “Do you seriously think that we miss all of this? We’re not stupid.”

Jihoon stays quiet for a moment, eyes trained on the floor of his living room. He shuts his eyes tightly, “Yeah well, I definitely am.”

“Why do you say that?” Jihoon can hear the frown in Jinyoung’s voice, and the pity lacing his words is the exact thing that edges him closer to just spilling his heart out on his coffee table.

“Cause I’m pathetically in the dark about my own standing.” He mutters half into the pillow he’s hugging, “Or why I even care this much.”

“Of course you care, it’s Woojin.” Daehwi explains softly, “You know each other the best out of everyone in this world, you’re important to each other. But if you don’t tell each other that, then things like _this_ happen.”

“Do you like him?” Jinyoung asks quietly, and it’s those words that jumble his mind into sheer chaos, because this is the first time he’s acknowledging anything about his feelings towards his best friend. He’d been pushing it to the back of his mind for months, and now that the notion is out there, it burns every inch of skin on his body.

“I don’t like commitment.” Is the only thing he can say after minutes of thinking.

It’s not enough for Jinyoung though. “You don’t like commitment, or you’re scared of commitment with _Woojin_?”

Jihoon goes incredibly silent at that, not even daring to move a muscle, because he’s easily, undoubtedly, caught. The two of them take his silence as their answer. Daehwi sighs heavily, “You know, Woojin’s probably sitting around moping just like you, for the exact same reason.”

“You don’t know that.” Jihoon retorts with a bitterness that he only half means, “If he was bothered by it he would have said something by now, would have actually tried to talk about what we are instead of pretending that nothing ever happens.”

“You mean avoiding talking about it, just like you’ve been doing?” Jihoon decides he hates when Daehwi is right.

“I can’t just dive head in into my feelings without even the slightest belief or clue that he feels the same way.” He grits out through his teeth, knuckles turning white. “All he gives me are mixed signals! I can’t make anything out of it, so if he can’t be upfront then why should I?” 

“Because someone has to be!” Jinyoung grows louder, “How will anything go anywhere if no one makes the effort to do something about it? Both of you are just waiting for the other to speak up, but that's not gonna happen unless one of you decides to be the one to make the first move." 

“Do you have any idea how much that could jeopardize everything?” Jihoon shoots back, breathing hard. “It’s easy to say that things will turn out for the better but you never actually know.”

“Look, I know that dating your best friend is a gamble.” Daehwi calm voice brings the both of them back down to the ground, “If it ends it could either go bad or _really_ bad." Clearly not the thing to say to keep him from being pessimistic. "But, sometimes it can be okay.”

Jihoon scoffs, voice getting more uneven by the second, “That’s a two in three chance of it being bad.”

“And a one in three of it being good,” The younger continues, “that is _if_ it ends.”

“And if it ever happens in the first place.” 

“You’re never gonna be happy if you don’t take a chance at the things you want, Jihoon.” Jinyoung pipes in after he’s simmered down, “It’s either you do it and see where it takes you, for better or for worse, or you walk away and never get the chance to experience what could be the greatest feeling of your life." 

His head hurts, lost in his mind, jumping back and forth between hope and fear and not knowing which one to settle on.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey babe.”

“Woojin, you need to stop calling me that until we finally talk.” He says softly but firmly, slowly closing the door to the younger’s dorm room and making his way with heavy steps to the edge of Woojin’s bed. Three whole days, ten nervous pep talks and one bad breakdown later he’s mustered up the courage to make it to Woojin’s house, not including the seventeen minutes he had stood outside of the door debating whether or not he should make a run for it. But confrontation was a well needed thing for the both of them, and putting it off for longer wouldn’t do either of them any good. So he takes the one third of hope and clutches it at his chest, wearing his heart on his sleeve.

Woojin pauses, slowly putting his phone down and sitting up from his lying position on his bed. The concern on his face is wonderfully painful, doing absolutely nothing to relieve him of his own uneasiness. “About..?”

“What we are, where we stand.” Jihoon breathes out quietly, exhaustedly. It’s out, and there’s no going back. “We keep avoiding the one thing we need to be talking about and it’s not good for either of us.”

The younger opens his mouth, looks of shock and panic crossing his face. “Um, o-okay, let’s talk.” His voice is barely audible, and it’s clear that this is a conversation that both of them are terrified to have, but Jihoon knows that his friends are right. He needs to _try_.

“Why did you kiss me.. that night when you came to my apartment?” Jihoon leads into it slowly, shoulders tensing up and fingers coming together to fiddle nervously.

Woojin swallows loudly, biting his lip. “It was an accident..” Jihoon’s legs almost give out when his heart plummets to the ground with those words, and it’s clear that Woojin can tell, because his eyes go wide and his arms flail out in front of him. “No, not like that! Oh my God, uh, I meant, it was a thing that I wanted to do in my head but then I actually _did_ it without warning and you were so surprised that I panicked and acted like it wasn’t a big deal. It wasn’t—I didn’t—”

The younger cuts himself off when he understands the look on Jihoon’s face, telling him that he doesn’t have to continue explaining. “Don’t worry, I get it.” Jihoon replies shakily, “I made the whole thing worse by kissing you the second time and not talking about it the moment it happened.”

The older nods. “Yeah... and then I guess it became like an unspoken rule that we could keep kissing without having to acknowledge it, which was probably a bad move.” Woojin admits, and Jihoon isn’t sure if this conversation is making him feel better or worse but he pushes on because there’s really nothing else left to do.

“We need to define this.” He gestures between the two of them, “Because we do a lot of things that make it seem like we’re a couple but it’s too secretive and too ambiguous to label it.” His voice almost breaks with his next words, but he keeps himself grounded for the few moments it takes to expel them, though it does feel like it takes an eternity to get to the end of the sentence. “Do you have feelings for me? In, you know, _that_ way?”

Woojin looks at him for a while, no words, it’s nerve-wracking, a long and painfully slow wait. That is, until the younger reaches out for his hand and pulls him in softly. Jihoon’s knees hit the mattress and he climbs onto the bed properly, sitting back into his calves, open and unguarded, scared and hopeful. “I can’t think of anyone else I want to be with.” Woojin says softly, and Jihoon practically melts into his arms, like every jitter embedded into his bones had expelled from his body with one simple line of the confirmation he needed. “I love you, and I should have told you that a long time ago.”

Jihoon exhales a sigh of relief and contentment, almost brought to tears by how this had gone where he’d wished it to but didn’t dare expect. “I love you, too.” He tosses the long needed confession into the air. “And yeah, you really should have you idiot.” He hits the younger playfully, tilting his head back to keep in the tears.

Woojin tugs him closer, wrapping his arms around him and Jihoon rests his chin in Woojin’s dark locks. He’s still shaking, and Woojin realizes this too because he lets them fall onto his pillows, shifting them so that Jihoon is comfortable and safe in his hold, so that he knows exactly where his place is in Woojin’s life. “I’m sorry I waited so long. I couldn’t bear to think about messing things up and losing you.”  

“Well, we’ve been drowning in the same worries then.” Jihoon lifts his head to meet Woojin’s eyes and comes to the realization that maybe if he had looked, _really_ looked, he would have seen that they already held all the answers he wanted to know. That those eyes were unguarded and true and he couldn’t miss it even if he tried. “You’re not just someone I have feelings for. You’re my entire life and I don’t want to lose you either.”

“You’re not going to lose me, Jihoon.” Woojin whispers into his hair, “I can promise you that you’re worth every last bit of effort to me.”

A blissful sigh escapes him for the first time in forever, “So, we’re making this official?”

“Yeah, we are.” Woojin says this with so much sureness, so much content that Jihoon allows himself to relax completely, only focused on this single moment of euphoria, and he thinks that this is unquestionably the greatest feeling of his life.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> i've started an archive/update/au twitter if you would like to be updated about my upcoming works and other 2park week fics [@byunderella](https://twitter.com/byunderella)
> 
> and a new [cc](https://curiouscat.me/byunderella) if you have anything else you would like to tell me or ask me :)
> 
> \- trin ♡


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